you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
