good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
