I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
