So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
