I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
