lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
All I want is dick and wine.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
