Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
