i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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