oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
