I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
