I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
