the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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