You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
