I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
