hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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