We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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