i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
