I CAN MOONWALK!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
