And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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