Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
