I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
