he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just found puke in my bra..
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
