Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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