Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
