How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
