something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
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Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
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I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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