He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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