From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
