Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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