And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
