Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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