I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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