You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
