let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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