there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
