i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
