Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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