I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
