I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
