your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
