I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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