It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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