i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
