I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
