What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
