You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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