i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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