we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
