I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bag of teeth...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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