i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
wow bdsm is so cute
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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