If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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