I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize