Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
