i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
