I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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