So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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