This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
