I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
