Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
