I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
