Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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