the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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