They should really pass out barf bags in church
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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