they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
