i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize