my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
