where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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