i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize
