What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
