Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
